scaryasakitten

The adventure of Jack

2007-03-26T04:14:00.001-07:00

Okay, it’s Thursday night, 11.30, SAAK, as he is want to do on nights that end in y is enjoying a bottle of Merlot, watching Buffy. Phone rings, that’s unexpected, but hey. It’s SAAK’s mum, the news is SAAK’s little sister has gone into labour 7 weeks early, looks like she will need to be taken to either Sydney or Canberra…. Small country town can’t deal with premature babies.

Nothing, nothing, nothing….. okay will call older sister, see what is going on…. "why are you answering the phone mum" "we’re at the hospital" "what, the hospital across the road from my house? I’ll be there in 6 minutes".

The news is Sydney is the destination, SAAK’s cousin, the midwife says "you’re about to be an uncle"…. It hits home, things are very serious. Plane is leaving at 2.30, it’s now 1am… okay …. Road trip. SAAK mum and brother inlaw take 4 minutes to pack and jump in the car and off we go.

It’s a long trip from the middle of nowhere to Sydney at 1 in the morning… things look good, all the right turns take…. Right up to the last one…. Should have turned right there… bugger…. Get to Westmead about 5ish… long night… but will get longer.

Park the car…. Don’t care if we get a fine… more important things to worry about now… find the right wing …. Sign "STRICTLY NO VISITORS", fuck that, we’ve just driven 4 hours in the middle of the night, we have to sit by her side.. she’s in a great deal of pain.

Little sister grimacing, can feel her pain just sitting next to her… what can we do to help…. Nothing, just have to sit there, be there….. morning, still feels like Thursday…. Little sister sleeps, wish SAAK could… really wish brother inlaw would.

Friday, or so they say, still feels like Thursday to SAAK…. Long night… tired, not as much as SAAK little sister though, mum’s has managed to sleep on the damn uncomfortable chairs.
It’s all a bit surreal…. A little normality as another of SAAK’s cousins collects us from the hospital… some food and a shower… feeling a little better now…. Walk to find a paper (and some cigarettes, SAAK has not bought a pack for a few months now, but it seems like a good idea…. Ah, that’s better).

Back to the hospital, arrange a room in a near by motel and back to the wards… sister still in a great deal of pain… overwhelmingly helpless feeling….father and big sister here now…. Little sister feels a little better. Dinner? Sure why not, little sis needs a sleep anyway and they are going to kick us out as visiting time quickly comes to an end.

Dodgey pub, no one cares, surprisingly good food and very welcome beer…. BED ahhh, hot night, 5 adults, small room, very noisy air conditioner and a snoring father… no one cares.. two days… no sleep… dead tired. PHONE, WHOSE PHONE IS THAT….. no one answers it…. PHONE… brother inlaw answers it, cloths on away… something is happening.

SAAK’s phone was going flat, it was off….. turn it on…. Message "swear word, swear word, swear word, swear word, this hurts" FUCK… she’s in pain and my phone is turned off… what kind of brother am I.
Arrive back to hospital 7.30… what day is it? No one knows… it does not matter. Maternity ward, "how’s our girl doing?" nurse "sorry, I’ll have to send someone out to talk to you"…..NO.. FUCK… SOMETHING IS WRONG. Mum’s face goes ashen.

Noise…. Good noise… bother inlaw running down a hallway…. Jumping, clapping, clicking heals….good news? Has to be… IT’S A BOY. What… sorry… what…
4 pounds, 43.5 cms…. ALIVE.

Okay can’t see sister for a while…. Fill in time…vote.. another story, kind of funny… she’s back, we can see her and the baby…. Let’s go… he is tiny, gorgeous, breathing and alive.. RELEIF. No name yet.

His name is Jack… SAAK did not hear that part, all he heard has Jack’s middle name… little sister has named her first born after SAKK, he still tingles every time he hear the name….

That was Jack’s adventure… time to meet him.

Reflections on reflections.

2007-03-06T03:55:00.001-08:00

There is an old bloke hanging round of recent times. SAAK sees him almost every day.

Neither familiar nor familial, SAAK is a tad on the concerned side. He sees him and thinks to himself, why don’ t you just fuck off, no one wants you here.

Can’t say that kind of shit out loud, seems this side of right in a one person abode.

Unavoidable, unacceptable, unfathomable and ungood…….

LA VIE…… there, I’ve said it…

SAAK out

Random Prose

2007-02-14T03:49:00.000-08:00

There are those destined for the extraordinary.

Those bound by mediocrity.

Nerre the twain to co-exist.

For how shall the latter exist with the knowledge of chaining such unbridled talent.

Lonely one for the greater good sometimes is noble.

Existence sux, cope…. Or don’t

SAAK's Friday (Read rural health)

2007-02-09T03:10:00.000-08:00

SAAK woke up, much as he does every other day, fuck, here is another day that must be dealt with…. Okay.
He, as he usually does, goes to the shower…. And then FUCK…. There is a thing on SAAK’s hip, so he flails at it (SAAK, without his glasses is blind) to no avail. Calming down SAAK realises that this thing is upon his person.
Getting to work SAAK thinks, okay this is not good, random black things on you person are this side of good generally. He calls the local doctor…. Half and hour later someone answers, SAAK "can I make an appointment to see the doctor?" Random person "Who do you normally see" SAAK "Normally I’m not sick" Random girl "so you don’t have a regular doctor. SAAK "no, I’ve only been here a year". Random girl "Sorry we can’t help you, perhaps you should try…."
Okay, either business is really good, or this charlie has taken umbrage to SAAK’s humor. He call the other doctor, after 20 minutes someone answers. This woman ask is it urgent? SAAK "Well, I’m not bleeding to death, but, having failed my doctors degree I’m not sure"… again not sure if this woman has a sense of humor…. But 12.30 is the call.
SAAK rocks up at the doctors at 12.20 (hey he’s an accountant, normally at least on time). 1.06, the doctor can see you now… thank fuck for that… glad it’s not urgent.
The doctor (it must be prefaced now that SAAK has not seen a doctor in the last 10 year) promptly, after some kind of pressure thing tell SAAK that he has high blood pressure 150/90? Completely indifferent to the big black random bruise that SAAK has come in to talk about, suddenly SAAK is about to have a blood test and surgery to remove something from his back.
There is a reason SAAK’s not see a doctor for ten year….. not looking forward to seeing a dentist.a

Blah

2007-01-22T11:15:00.000-08:00

Blah, nah actually BLAH. But you know cest le vie. New computer, new abode, same lonely, but hey, SAAK would complain, but who would listen.

SAAK has in the last week or so enlisted the help of the local dance instructor and gym owner, i know what you are thinking, gym, what's a gym.... ahh gym, to find a female. Small country town does not refer to the finer sex of the place.

SAAK has been in the middle of nowhere now for over 12 months and let me tell you something, there is one thing he misses about the big smoke more than the Swannies, and that is the talent.

As was mentioned earlier... BLAH, SAAK's got nothing, not unusual, but he has a new computer... that's a plus, now just needs something to write about.

Hello Uncle SAAK

2006-10-26T21:11:00.000-07:00

SAAK’s baby sister is having a baby, despite the fact that she is unlikely to call the child Seven as per SAAK’s wishes, this news does gladden his heart. SAAK recently turned 31, yes the bottom of the hill is in plane view, and it’s not pretty and things were a little down.

SAAK does think he will make a great uncle, this child is going to be so spoiled her parents (yes Seven is a feminine name, yet only 12 weeks old SAAK feels it’s a girl, otherwise SAAK would be pushing for B3ob as the name, the 3 is silent) are going to rue the day they introduced her to uncle SAAK.

From a completely selfish perspective, which, lets face it SAAK takes life in general, this does distract from the suckenness of getting older. Sunday, SAAK was filled with the dread that, yes another year is gone and no, nothing has changed and yes, it is now more likely that this life will be lonely and sucky for ever. Now though, SAAK has something to look forward to.

This child will speak such proper English that only SAAK will appreciate its beauty and be so damn sarcastic that even her mother would.. you would have to know SAAK’s little sister….

:-) for something different…

A curious conundrum

2006-10-10T10:56:00.000-07:00

For those of you have read SAAK before, SAAK knows there are not that many of you.. SAAK left the big bad city about 10 months ago… in nearly 10 years there SAAK had not met one person of his age he would call a friend… thinking, o’well, drowning not waving, SAAK has move to the middle of nowhere looking for a new start.

Okay, good plan you might thing, but unbeknownst to SAAK loneliness does not enjoy company.. rather it festers better on it own. IT’S TOUGH TO BE LONELY WHEN THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE AROUND YOU. Okay, yes, there are 5 million people in Sydney, but SAAK did not know any of them, in the middle of nowhere there are 5 thousand people and SAAK is related to many of them.

The move here was, as SAAK probably knew at the time, a resignation from life, but the constant “what’s wrong”, “what’s wrong”, that should be followed by “I’m sad and old and lonely and tired and fed up”, is responded by the usual not committal “nothing, why?”

Loneliness, as SAAK has now realised is a security blanket for the alone…. but it make so much more sense when you’re alone …..

SAAK gets the overwhelming feeling that, not only for himself, but for those who think they know him, he should have stayed and suffered in the big bad… FUCK SAAK IS LONELY….

Continuing conundrums…

2006-09-12T21:06:00.000-07:00

Now to suggest that SAAK knows little about the human condition is a fairly substantial understatement…. but he really, really does not get it.

To recap …. SAAK met a lovely girl at a work shindig… they got along well, in fact SAAK would suggest they got along very well. However, life being life, SAAK soon received the call of “friends”, which he has always understood to mean “leave me the fuck alone”.. fair enough, not the first female to dislike SAAK (he’s not a pretty boy).

First enigma, since then, SAAK has been in constant correspondence with said girl, phone, text and email, mainly initiated by her… at least once a day…

Okay, SAAK does not really understand.. we’ve seen each other twice since, both were very friendly, kiss hello and goodbye stuff.. but hey where could this go, nothing has been mentioned about the friends thing.

Current concern … nothing in the last week… SAAK sent and e-mail and a text with no reply, until now, if SAAK sent a message one would come back almost instantaneously.

?????? SAAK is of the opinion that he is too old for this…..

End of whinge

Nice guys finish … #2

2006-08-14T21:50:00.000-07:00

Anyone who read SAAK’s last post, he knows there aren’t that many of you, come to think of it, there probably aren’t that many of you now, but hey SAAK digresses… a lot, knows that SAAK met this very pretty girl not that long ago, but, such is SAAK’s existence “friends” was the order of the day.

Now SAAK quite likes this girl but being the nice guy accepted “friends” as fuck off and leave me alone, that’s fine, not the first girl who didn’t like him. So, in real life that should be all she wrote.

…but no, SAAK has spoken with, texted with and emailed with this girl on nearly a daily basis … this situation is well outside SAAK’s knowledge base, which, for all intents and purposes is admittedly very limited when it comes to females of the opposite sex.

The conundrum, the call of friends is out there, not been addressed since, SAAK can’t actually bring himself to say “is there more” or “come on, we’ve slept together” (sadly yes slept, but there are worse things) ..but by the same token does not want to perpetuate the whole many friends who are girls but never any girlfriends life …. Seriously considering leaving this whole nice guy thing behind, little to no good comes from it.

Out

Nice guys finish ….

2006-07-17T20:55:00.000-07:00

Scene …. new years party, free booze …. way too much free booze … out of town party, accommodation sorted … bugger it, more free booze.

Great conversation, well, maybe, free booze and all, with a very attractive girl, some (and SAAK uses the term loosely) “dancing”. Some more good conversation.

Late at night, cold, raining, short walk to the accommodation, SAAK, being the nice guy offers girl his jacket … things going okay.

Back in SAAK room, small room, just a room with a bed, that’s it (no five star shin digs here). More good conversation.

One thing…. anther… SAAK thinks, not a great idea to progress things here, first meeting and all …. Don’t get me wrong, sleeping with (sadly yes, actual sleep) a beautiful girl in a very small single bed it kind of fun.

Email Monday morning “friends?”

Nice guy finish last … why else would there be a cliché?

How time it doth fly..

2006-07-02T14:02:00.000-07:00

It is hard for SAAK to comprehend, but it has been over six months since he departed the big bad.

The main “if you have to be lonely, you might as well be lonely where there are people who talk to you” theory for leaving has, for the most part, panned out reasonably. That’s not to say SAAK has not fallen back into his old any old rut will suffice way of life.

The new job is not too bad, very similar to the old one, with the main exception of the staff seeming to be relatively sane and, get this, pleasant to work for. There is actual praise for tasks well done, yes, actual praise.

It did take SAAK a while to get over his “what is this person’s ulterior motive” and “what is actually behind that seemingly innocuous smile” scepticism that life in the city had drummed into him. Having said that, there are times when that nagging “surely there is something I’m missing here” feeling does take over.

In the past six months, SAAK has even had a pay rise, from next to nothing to slightly more than next to nothing, but hey, it took 3 years in his old job before his first increase.

The new rut that SAAK has developed, combined with staying with his parents has, unfortunately precluded him from maintaining SAAKland, but hopefully, when it eventually warms up, he will get back in and do some house cleaning.

When SAAK first moved to the middle of nowhere, IT WAS HOT, unnecessarily hot, mid to late 30ies every day. This lasted for about three months, then it become COLD, unnecessarily cold. Days here at the moment range from minus 8, yes MINUS 8, to about 7 degrees. It is cold!

There are some things that SAAK does miss about the big city, the main being the female population. Whilst SAAK did fail miserably for the main part in that venture, at least there were females around. Here, mmmm, not.

On the bright side, SAAK is going back to the big city next month for a week. He is looking forward to that, let’s catch up for a beer or two.

Anon.

OMFG it is cold

2006-05-25T10:01:00.000-07:00

It was not that long ago that SAAK spent a great deal of time in inane conversations commencing with “how hot is it”, now, the god of weather has decided that one good extreme deserves another.

The last few days in the middle of nowhere have started with the thermometer reading somewhere between, “work it out for yourself” and “fucked if I want to be out here”.

The really sad thing is that it’s going to get COLDER

Now, SAAK grew up just outside of Canberra and it gets cold there, but sadly that is during the before time, before the memory kicks in.

Suffice it to say burrrrrrrrrr.

SAAK has better stories to tell, well, more entertaining to SAAK anyway, but bed, with a donah and two blankets, looks a little too appealing right now…

Are you happy?

2006-05-09T18:26:00.000-07:00

What kind of ass backwards vapid question is this?

SAAK seems to have had this enquired of him an inordinate number of times recently and it has got him thinking.

SAAK’s stock standard reply to such a query is “about what”, but, in retrospect this could be construed as somewhat passive aggressive. So, what then, SAAK cannot for the life of him envisage a circumstance where “yes” is the correct response, surely no one is happy all the time.

In SAAK’s entirely sheltered opinion happy is a fleeting thing, it’s an eight iron from one hundred and fourty meters that, the moment it leaves the club, you know is within three feet. It’s an unexpected comment from a complete stranger that provides a momentary escape from reality.

Whilst SAAK’s utopian vision of a complete moratorium on dumb-ass questions seems some time off, he is left to ponder this, perhaps it’s better not to share the absolute “NO, don’t be a dick” that would be closest to the truth and go with the smile blankly and nod and hope that someone somewhere is on his wavelength and will come into his existence soon.

Curse Sir Walter Raleigh

2006-05-02T13:49:00.000-07:00

He was such a stupid git.

Yes, the enviable has indeed lived up to its definition. After several weeks of hard drinking, SAAK is forced to admit he has again taken up with his old reliable friends Messrs Benson and Hedges.

At the end of the day blind freddy could have seen this eventuation, small country town, nothing to do in the evenings but drink… and hey what better accompaniment to Alcamahol and cigarmarettes, throw in some caffeine and you have the trifecta of SAAK’s favorite drugs.

Things are slow here and, despite the people around, a little lonely in the middle of nowhere, next time you’re in the neighbourhood, stop by, SAAK could do with the pep up.

Sydney memories ptii

2006-04-18T19:53:00.000-07:00

If you missed the first installment of the SAAK’s Sydney escapade, boy did you miss a rip-snorter of a story. Okay that’s a lie and, well hey, it’s just below this one any way.

As you will recall, SAAK did the touristy thing, got a bit snap happy, but, being slightly limited in his technical abilities, all the photos are still on his phone. So when he refers the all the pretties that he saw, just close your eyes and imagine.

SAAK was staying in a hotel in the rocks *look at the lovely photo of SAAK’s room and the view into the city, pretty eh.* Must admit, even being an exSydneysider, the view from the roof top was close to spectacular … city on one side, harbour bridge and opera-house on t'other. (Look, another photo).

Sunday consisted of returning to old haunts…. That’s right, the Oaks hotel in Neutral Bay, overpriced beer, exorbitant pool prices … but you know you have to do these things.

The week of training was held at circular quay…. Goldfield’s house to be precise (the view from the cafeteria facilities was incredible (insert photo here)). One of those places that would make you want to come to work just for the view.

SAAK will leave out the work related stuff, partly due to how excruciatingly tedious it was, but also because he is in the middle of writing an assignment for the course, due this week… people say procrastination like it’s a bad thing.

Monday night was Italian in the rocks, sponsored … of course… and vast quantities of red wine … good red wine. Tuesday was beers with the boys, old work mates. Wednesday was steak night, again sponsored, at the Philip Foote, must say the chief was brilliant (if you have not been, it’s a cook your own steak place) and much Grolsh. Funnily enough, Thursday followed a similar theme, but, sadly, it did include a venture to Jackson’s on George…. (Sorry Sidey could not help it).

Friday finished with an exam, not too difficult, but after a week of 10 hour days and long nights SAAK’s head was a little on the sore side, which did not make the 5 hour train ride any easier (picture a fidgety old woman on SAAK’s right, a woman with the reading light on (it go in at 2.30am) in front and an old bloke snoring on the left .. first class my arse.

Okay, got that out of my system…. Back to this damn assignment.

SAAK’s Excellent Sydney Adventure pt i

2006-04-08T09:16:00.000-07:00

Okay, there are a couple of things wrong with that title, obviously, it is a straight up and down rip off and well, lets be honest here little of SAAK existence or experiences could be referred to as either excellent or adventurous. But hey, you’ve read this far and for this SAAK thanks you.

Now SAAK would like to take the time to preface this thing by letting you know, he, during this whole Sydney excursion, did the touristy thing, took picys to share, the whole nine yards. Sadly SAAK has never owned a camera, so, being the thinker he is .. he just used the phone …. Turns out SAAK does not know how to transfer pictures from a mobile phone to the computer, so every time SAAK refers to a visual aid, use your imagination. SAAK will show you the photos next time we get together.

SAAK may have previously mentioned this but, up to this point, he had been on exactly two aeroplanes, the first was a two seater owned by his first boss… more fun SAAK could not imagine, second was a for weekend down in Melbourne flying from Sydney, so SAAK was a little trepidacious entering a plane that sat only about 30 people. This consternation was not eased went, the pilot announced that, due to windy conditions, the plane was 20 minutes a head of schedule…the flight was only supposed to be an hour.. WHAT.. did we fly into a cyclone, were we in a kite?

Suffice it to say, the plane did land safely, it did, however, do something that still intrigues SAAK a little … coming from the south of old Sydney town, with the airport in the south, the plane flew over the CBD, out over the ocean, then back to the airport.. yes scenic, but surely more the doings of a cab driver, SAAK’s not paying by the k here.

Sorry, SAAK is in the middle of cooking dinner for his two sisters tonight, it’s nearly ready (nothing special, sketty with a bolognaise sauce, chilly, red wine, basil, paprika, cayenne pepper) tastes pretty good so far, you should have been here … plenty to go around…. Back soon

A random whinge for no apparent reason

2006-03-28T08:42:00.000-08:00

SAAK is going back to the big bad city next week to do an accreditation course, this, given the current climate equates to news… oh well.. however, this is not the cause for this whinge.

Prior to commencing the week long course, one needs to complete four exams. Now the requisite reading tallies to just shy of eight hundred pages .. yes, about an eighth of a tree.

Now SAAK is not necessarily the most conscientious of students … he often received “if SAAK would apply himself” and “ …. very disruptive” comments on school reports, but about a third the way through the first section, SAAK decided “bugger it, just do the exams, let the chips fall as they may”.

SAAK will let you in on a little secret, he has never failed anything academic, life yes, academic no.

Having now only glossed over the readings, SAAK has managed to gain scores of 83, 95, 97 and 100 in his four exams…not bad, even if SAAK has to pat his own back (mind you there were sacrifices, SAAK limited himself to less than 6 drinks each of the preceding evenings).

Here is SAAK’s whinge. Upon hearing how SAAK had not exactly applied himself to the task, the only response to SAAK’s success that his father could muster was “well…. that does not give me a great deal of confidence in the industry then”…

cest la vie

A little taste of SAAK

2006-03-16T09:27:00.000-08:00

Wow, that is an horrible title, well SAAK has never claimed to be particularly creative nor articulate ….

SAAK is not sure if he has told you this, he does have a nasty habit of drivelling shite most of the time, combined with drinking copious amounts, he may well have to you ad nauseam, however, he does enjoy cooking.

Anywho, SAAK’s parents have been away so SAAK has taken it upon himself to cook for his two sisters and their respective husbands and it has been great. SAAK has toned down his menu somewhat, but still, it has been a high point.

Back in the old days, in the dark town, SAAK would set aside one Saturday every fortnight to cook. Indian, Thai, deep fried, you name it SAAK loved the whole thing…. the fact that most of these Saturdays also involved half a case just made it all the better …. SAAK learnt quickly to do the deep frying early ….. deep frying stuff for the fun of it just makes the smoke alarm work harder.

Whilst it is plain to anyone who has actually made it this far that a) SAAK has, in fact, had one or two too may already and b) there is no moral to this story, however, SAAK openly invites all of you to dinner when every the urge hits you.

Au revoir

Muffled musings from downtown nowhere…

2006-03-09T18:09:00.000-08:00

Shhhhh, you’ll wake the cows, someone has moved cattle into SAAKlank, well, not actually but it gives that rural feel, yes?

It’s quiet here, SAAK is not sure if that is necessarily a good thing …. DUCK … sorry tumble weed rolling by.

It does, however, seem to SAAK that his quiet, mostly anonymous, sheltered little existence in the big smoke has followed him all the way to the middle of nowhere… it’s been months now, nothing new, nothing exciting.. actually nothing period.

SAAK would, if he were more creative (or intelligent or that way inclined in point of fact), make some stuff up here, tell you how exciting small town life is, but he’s not .. and it’s not.. but it was his choice(ish).

Now if you don’t mind, I think SAAK will have anther beer and read a book.

As an aside, SAAK will be back in the big bad city in the first week of April .. not that is of any significance to anyone, but it classifies as big news now days…. Bye bye now

Tagged by the irrepressible...

2006-02-20T08:01:00.000-08:00

What an inane title, who, in their right mind would repress such a beautiful soul… but SAAK digresses… a lot. Auburn’s tag is seems a little wasted on SAAK, like real life, SAAK’s blog world is very sheltered.. but, again like real life, he is trying to expand his horizons.. enough drivel, on with the … well drivel, but with a purpose now…

First blog you ever read?

Bookbook is a bloke SAAK used to work with, he is one of the most intelligent and articulate people SAAK has had the privilege of knowing. Sadly he does not post any more, but SAAK hopes at some point he might.

What inspired you to start your own?

Bookbook kept hounding SAAK to post the Special Kisms that were amassed. If you were around in the early days you would have noticed a very repetitive theme in SAAKland. But more than that, SAAK actually got to meet some of the people Bookbook spoke often of, the epitome cool, beauty and smart all rolled into one. Not the people SAAK would normally be allowed to meet in real life.

The best and worst about blogging?

SAAK generally uses blogging as a vent, he does not sleep well, he used to wake up at 2-3am, jot down his thoughts in the vain hope that might expunge them from his head, it never worked, but setting them alight in the morning was always a pick-me-up. For the most part SAAKland has replaced the note pad, not that it gets any better or easier, but it certainly is a positive.

Obviously the worst thing about blogging is that SAAK is actually as dull as he professes to be…. Actually he gives himself more credit than he deserves, which makes writing anything worth consumption particularly difficult… hey give him a break he’s an accountant for fuck’s sake

Who was the first person to comment on your blog?

Again that was Bookbook, it came as an immense surprise to SAAK that anyone would take the time to read his pointless ramblings, but a good surprise that still brings a smile to SAAK’s heart.
What has been your most popular blog entry?

"Pop..u..lar" sorry, what?

If I re-named my blog I would call it ...

Nah, SAAK is about right, not remotely threatening.

If my blog had a theme song it would be ...

Lithium, but that is just because it is SAAK’s life theme song

If my blog was a room it would look like ...

SAAK’s life, kind of cluttered, not with any real direction… like a boy decorated it.

Five bloggers I would like to have over for dinner.

Well, that’s not hard, just take a look at the links, Steph (cause she is the life of the party) Bevis(cause SAAK has enjoyed his humour since the days of punography) Auburn (well, she is just lovely) Adam (come on, someone needs to organise the games) and Fluffy (SAAK has always seen Fluffy as an adult influence… not in a bad way). But alas SAAK gets the feeling Fluffy won’t make it all the way from Mexico, leaving him as the fifth wheel, but he is used to that.

Two bloggers you would like to set up on a blind date.

Not knowing anyone in real life, SAAK’s gut feel would be Steph and Adam, not sure why, but SAAK is a boy, as such is generally oblivious to these types of things.

Somebody I wish had a blog?

SAAK had a friend in college, who went on to be an editor of a major news paper, such a smart bloke, but that being said, also very political, SAAK is apolitical as he is a religious.

If you were only allowed to read one blog ever again, which blog would it be?

This bloke is just poetry, sad and uplifting at the same time, articulate and down to earth simultaneously, crude and beautiful… SAAK envies… but has enjoyed so much.

Is there a fellow blogger you would like to snog / shag / do rude things to? Feel free to name names if you're game.

mmmmm… here’s the thing, SAAK is a boy, so the idea of physical intimacy is very appealing to him, but by the same token, he is also sentient enough to realise that claiming to like someone is to want what is best for them, SAAK could not bring himself to want someone to spend time with him when he knows full well there are so many better people out there that could make the object of his affection so much happier.

SAAK won’t tag anyone, he’ll leave that up to the cool people …….

Really just inane introspection

2006-02-13T18:26:00.000-08:00

Steph said something the other day that initially caused SAAK some consternation… "you're living the life of a retiree". This was obviously meant to be read with an eye to its malicious intent (SAAK kids)… but on reflection, there may well be a great deal of truth.

SAAK did have a childhood, but it seems to have come to a grinding hold before the memory function kicked in. SAAK has no vivid nor sequential memories of existence pre 16, little bits and pieces hither and thither, but...

From that age to recently all focus has been on work… no relationships, friends that could be counted on one hand .. with fingers to spare.. and a "things will just fall into place attitude".

Now he is old, lonely and broke, where the absolute highlights are sleep and golf, it all seems to fit…

Someone grab SAAK’s slippers and pipe for him, he’s a bit to tired to get up… dag nab it.

Pick a rut any rut..

2006-02-05T07:27:00.000-08:00

If you are ever in search of SAAK, find the nearest rut and look under it, you are destined to find him there.

Not that this is necessarily a terrible thing, at least in this rut SAAK has people to talk to, people to play euchre with and a golf course which is a walk up start but..

SAAK has managed, in the short time since leaving the big bad, to settle right back into a monotonous existence, more now than ever you can set your watch by SAAK’s movements, at work by 8.45, lunch at 1, crosswords and su do ku done by 1.30, out of the office by 5.30, first beer opened by 5.45.

Not that SAAK has any actual cause to complain and not that he would, but he had h#ped (no swearing allowed) that a major life change could actually cause a change, but who the fuck was he trying to kid.

Turns out that SAAK is just a middle aged boy with no real future… say la vee (yes I know, SAAK was being funny …. Shut up, it is funny)

Tagged by the lovely and talented

2006-01-23T19:03:00.000-08:00

If you have not visited the lovely Auburn’s wish list, SAAK strongly advises that you do so …. NOW … go on, go .. SAAK will still be here when you get back, trust me, Auburn’s list poops all over SAAK’s.

Okay, now that you know what a good list reads like … the following list of wants is no particular order… just a random hodge podge of thoughts.

Unfortunately SAAK is just a boy, his wants are neither numerous nor interesting, but if only for the fact that Auburn though of him on her tag ….lets go …

SAAK wants to want to travel, the romantic ideal of a secluded getaway or visual splendour of a famous locale sounds great, but SAAK is very practical, he knows that, at the end, you just have to return to the mundane.

SAAK wants to be more artistic, he loves to draw, he just sucks, but hey at the end of the day SAAK really is not out to prove himself.

SAAK wants to know what it would be like to be loved. Who are we kidding here, SAAK would give his eternal soul to know one day of someone loving him voluntarily … but hey, here comes that realistic streak again.

SAAK wants to be financially well off. Mainly because he’s not

SAAK wants a family he could call his own. He is certain he would make a great father, but, having lived 30 years without a single proper date, that wish may well makes its way down to be bottom of the too hard pile. As an aside, SAAK is the last of his name. He has no brothers nor male cousins who carry his surname, I think is kills his parents to know the name dies with him.

SAAK want to dedicate more time to reading. It sucks being an adult working all day long…. Sometime he just wants to hide away with a good book and drown in fantasy, even if it is someone else’s.

SAAK wants females to be more approachable, just once he would like to be in a bar and have a girl come up and say hello, is this seat taken.

SAAK wants to be a better writer, more creative, witty and charming. But he will leave that up to the wonderful people who’s blogs brighten up the gloomiest of days in SAAKland...

Oh well, nose to the grind stone time again..

2006-01-10T19:44:00.000-08:00

It is still causing the head some owies that the five weeks holidays SAAK was soooo looking forward to is gone. Back to work now, but that’s okay, work is a ten minute walk away and get this, it starts at 9 and finishes at 5.30.. no more of that 7.30 to 6 shite for SAAK.

Last week in Sydney was a bit of an odd one … got there New Years Day .. and ohmyfuckinggodhowfuckinghotisit was all that was running through SAAK’s head. Quickly take the bags (okay bag, SAAK is a boy and pack’s like one) and straight to the nearest pub (the Doncaster). Trouble with that was, it was like walking straight into a hair drier on full blast. To make matters worse, days one, two three and four of the cricket were all RAIN DELAYED .. WTF. Being the smart blokes we are, my old man and myself, when waking to see rain on day five figure "right, this is the worst day we’ve seen yet, let’s just bugger off" …. Day five just happened to be the best day’s cricket of the match … oh well.

It is somewhat amazing to SAAK that all the people at the new job are nice, there is no completely insane woman screaming at the top of her voice about the most inane of "issues", surely that was just a fluke, it can keep up .. can it?

As you can tell, not that exciting, but hey, you’ve been here before … SAAK’s an accountant for fuck’s sake, give him a break.

Byebye now

Damn, time does fly

2005-12-28T23:07:00.000-08:00

Now I preface this with the fact that SAAK has never spent more than two consecutive weeks not working … but damn, this whole lazing around shite has its upside.

It is beyond SAAK’s comprehension that he has been out of the big bad for three and a half weeks now … and no Steph, SAAK (whilst he wishes that he was) was not kidnapped by Meghan and Auburn (sorry SAAK needs to take a moment and day dream … mmmm not what you would call forced captivity).

The past 24 days have been sooooo relaxing, waking up at 9am, heading straight for the golf course, finish by mid day, few hands of euchre, couple of beers, quick swim in the parent’s pool, barbeque, few more beers .. all in all a tough existence.

SAAK is having some issues settling back into sharing an abode with his parents, no arguments per se, but his mother has a nasty tendency to force him to eat, irrelevant to the existence or lack there of of hunger. Let’s put it this way, when SAAK left Sydney he was 5’11 and 72kg, he is now still 5’11 but 77 kg, at this rate he is going to by 5’11 and 100kg in no time flat. (SAAK’s diet for the past 10 years has been coffee and cigarette for breakfast, cigarette and coffee for lunch then beer and some food for dinner and vodka for dessert).

Christmas at SAAK’s parents place was, as always, a big family affair. Cars started arriving around 11am (enough time Xmas morning to be woken by SAAK’s little sister (25) at 6am to open presents and have a massive breakfast) and beers were broken out about 11.01. There were around 25 family (Aunts Uncles, Cousins, children of cousins) for Christmas lunch (like after breakfast we needed to eat more) which lasted from 11.02 to 4, then a few cleansing ales lead into a deep, deep booze induced sleep.

For the first time in ages SAAK is actually looking forward to going back to Sydney, this is mainly due to the fact that it is only for 5 days and that 5 days is based purely on South Africa being able to sustain a 5 day test match.

SAAK would have written earlier but, thinking about it, Golf, beer, golf, beer, golf, beer, makes for some pretty damn entertainless reading…..

HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL…….

'cause you don't say no to Steph (she seems a little scary)

2005-12-11T23:11:00.000-08:00

Okay, SAAK has been away for some time (It’s a chore trying to get broad band up and running in bush) and Steph, no, all the relaxation time has not been spent at the cemetery and yes, the ability to draw is progressing (if but marginally) beyond the totally unrecognisable point……… thank you…

But SAAK digresses…. and as with all memes, SAAK forewarns all potential readers that any time wasted reading the following shite will not be reimbursed at the conclusion of the ride ….. you have been warned ….

1. What did you do in 2005 that you hadn't done before?

In 2005 SAAK gave up everything he thought he wanted, a job in the city, a good wage and…. well actually that’s it… but he gave it up

2. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Close, not so sure, a work colleague had his first child… from SAAK’s extraordinarily selfish perspective, this just meant one less person to drink with, but he seems happy, so SAAK is happy for him.

3. Did anyone close to you die?

No, one of the people SAAK went to school with died, but he only heard this on the "grape vine".

4. Did you travel? Where did you go? Best holiday memory?

This probably would not come as a surprise if you knew SAAK, but you don’t, so I’ll tell you that SAAK took his first commercial air flight at the age of 29 during 2005, it was only to Melbourne, but it was a good time. SAAK got to catch up with an old friend, the one he needs to keep his head on straight, that was a highlight.

5. Best thing you bought?

SAAK is not a material person, the best thing he bought was the last beer, but that will be superseded by the next one……

6. Where did most of your money go?

Like Steph, the children (read credit cards) took the majority followed closely by my friend alcamahol.

7. What do you wish you had done more of?

Meet actual people ….. and golf, there is not enough golf

8. What do you wish you had done less of?

Spending time with alone SAAK ….. after a while his "sarcastic wit" really shits you.

9. What kept you sane?

Ahhhh… that’s the problem, the idea was to remain sane … bugger ……. will have to remember that for next time around.

10. What drove you mad?

The absolute monotony of existence …...

11. What made you celebrate?

Packing in the Sydney life ….. (however this occurred just as SAAK was finding out that there are some cool .. albeit nameless, faceless …. and …… well ……virtual people in Sydney after all)

12. What made you sad?

6 pm to 7 am (but for the booze helped).

13. How was your birthday this year?

Pretty good, it was SAAK’s thirtieth and his family, who, by the by, really don’t like the city, came to visit, we all went to dinner and a show …. not bad at all .

14. What political issue stirred you the most this year?

Where ever possible SAAK likes to remain apolitical, having said that … no…… SAAK is going to stick with to apolitical line

15. Where you in love in 2005?

no.

16. What would you like to have in 2006 that you didn't have this year?

A new answer to question 15.

17. What date from 2005 will be etched in your memory and why?

The day SAAK finally decided to get out of dodge.

18. What song will remind you of 2005?

SAAK has somewhat lost touch with the music the kiddies are listening to now’a’days. Hard to find things for the ol’45.

19. Compared to this time last year are you happier?

Only cause SAAK is a little slack with Stehp’s meme, yes….. but had SAAK answered a while ago it would have been a stern, school marmesque, NO.

20. Biggest achievement this year?

Pulling the pin on the city life, not sure how it is going to pan out, but hey, SAAK was not going to survive a moment longer mentally, physically or emotionally in the big bad city.

21. Biggest disappointment this year?

Never getting to meet the Sydney bloggers that became compulsory reading .

22. What is the one thing that would have made you more satisfied?

Meeting one person of SAAK’s volition.

23. Best new person you met this year?

See 22.

24. A valuable life lesson you learnt this year?

If you coast through, yes, you will get through to the end of the ride ……….. that is all

SAAK would tag others but, he will leave it up to the cool kids....

Night night

Aaaaaah.. How does one spell relaxation..

2005-12-04T22:17:00.000-08:00

Howdy Y’all (I kid).

I know SAAK has only been out of the big bad for three days, but the weight of the world has come off … well a little.

In three days he has played four games of golf, been bike riding, played countless games of euchre with his mommy and just generally lounged.

I though I would take this opportunity to introduce you to some of the rellies (Give SAAK a break he is an accountant, don’t judge.. he will get better)

On the left is SAAK’s pop, he did in 1990, SAAK was a coffin bearer, SAAK wish he could have know Pop better, from all accounts he was just the nicest bloke.

In the middle is SAAK’s Nan, she died in 1986, SAAK has only vague memories of Nanna, but she always had a new matchbox car any time SAAK visited.

On the right is uncle David, SAAK never knew him, he was 21 when he died in a car crash, SAAK was named after uncle David. In case you are wondering, no SAAK’s first name is not David…. I’ll explain when I meet you.

This is the view from Pop’s place … that bloke in front needs to move up some … limited room to stretch out… as an aside, the bloke three rows up … his name is Earnest Linda Something, they had some pretty strange names in the old days.
SAAK will get back to you soon with Steph’s meme, dial up in the country .. damn slow

Just because you are paranoid ..

2005-12-01T12:01:00.000-08:00

Second last day has finally arrived, there is 29 hours until 5 pm Friday …. One potential issue, SAAK's boss has not been in all week, no one else has the ability to pay me the 8 weeks of holiday pay due and SAAK is freaking out, just a skosh….. the boss has been known to dick ex-employees around ….. just going to look at it is another reason why leaving was the better option ..

Next time SAAK is here he will be a country yokel ….. will probably start the post with “Howdy y’all” … perhaps not.

Sydney SAAK out…

LESS THAN 200 HOURS TO GO …… YIPEEEEEE

2005-11-24T16:54:00.000-08:00

The fans are definitely getting excited and the natives restless here in SAAKland, the countdown ~~shrine~~ clock has passed the 200 hours left mark and it still counts … it is still counting ….. hooray!

Sorry, unnecessary burst of emotion there, it willn’t happen again, well maybe at the 100 hour mark.

This was not for you ..

2005-11-18T13:51:00.000-08:00

With but two weeks to go, or as the countdown clock reads 346 hours (of which 96 is weekend and many, many are pub hours) left in this abomination they call Sydney, the worries are starting to creep into SAAK's phyche.

SAAK is somewhat sad that he is not sad leaving this city, he does tend to bad mouth her a little, that’s probably because we never got to know each other, or more likely and more closely resembling real life, she is too good from him and they both know it.

SAAK knows that leaving is probably the right thing, the job is in a hellish environment, with the bosses wife seeming less sane every day … today we got from her “I fucking hate Christmas … it’s all about stuff … I don’t get stuff … so my kids won’t get stuff..” coupled with “my kids are so unfortunate…. They have me as a mother” (neer a truer word spoken).

But along with realising that moving is probably the right thing, SAAK is also concerned about spending time with his family. For a while at least, SAAK is moving to the small country town where his parents and two sisters live…. This is worrisome, SAAK has never lived in a small town like this before, he grew up in Canberra, went to University in Wollongong and has been in Sydney ever since.

SAAK has also not spent more than two weeks at any one time with his family since he was eighteen, they don’t actually know him and buggered if he knows them … that having been said, this move does seem to present an opportunity to re-invent SAAK, leave the old version behind for the vermin to gnaw at.

Perhaps SAAK could be a little less introverted, self absorbed and sad …. go out, meet some people and smile some … that does sound tempting……

Things you should know

2005-11-09T20:27:00.000-08:00

Steph’s meme

SAAK initally rejected his tag knowing full well that he is a particularly uninteresting individual. But a) after being yelled at b) because it’s something he would not normally do, and c) for fear of being slapped upside the head with a phone book, here goes SAAK's Things You Should Know.

(Just before I start, if you do read this, you will not be entitled to get the ensuing 4 minutes of your life back)

. Better quality to have. Good kisser or good conversationalist

Conversationalist, no question, there is nothing SAAK enjoys more than a good argument with an intelligent person who can hold up one side of the conversation. We willn’t mention the fact that sane people tend not to voluntarily kiss SAAK (he’s not a particularly pretty person)

Last time you cried?-

Sadly and honestly SAAK has no recollection of crying, not necessarily just because he is a boy, partly, but not wholly. I’m sure he cried at his grandfathers funeral when carrying the coffin, just no memory of it.

How old do you wish you were?

That is an interesting one, SAAK, whilst being chronologically 30, is emotionally probably only 15, but feels every day of 40. Having said that, SAAK does not really “wish” to be any age, but would like to have another crack at being a teenager, really, really ballsed that one up.

What's your real life nickname

Again, somewhat sadly, outside of the occasional (insert surname here)ey and ”Oy, you, yes you, the git in the corner on his pat” no nicknames.

How often do you talk to your mum

SAAK’s mom calls once a week. 7.30 Sunday, the conversation is exactly the same every time and lasts about 2 - 3 minutes not really sure why she does it, SAAK never has anything of any real interest to say, but hey, she seems to like it.

When is the last time someone gave you a dirty look

SAAK is generally oblivious to body language. He’s more likely to walk on by than notice someone giving him an evil look. Besides, he is nothing but cordial all the time, no need for anyone to give dirty looks.

If someone accidentally spits on you while talking do you acknowledge it or ignore it

Well, I’d like to think SAAK would say something particularly witty like “say it, don’t spray if” (I joke). But certainly, you could not let a moment like that just pass without some comment, surely.

Eternal love or endless money supply

SAAK, being the practical personal he is has to say endless money. Throw away lines like “money can’t buy happiness, but it can purchase a close substitute” come to mind. But honestly, I’m not sure SAAK holds any hope for the other option…. (sad I know)

If you were guaranteed that you would succeed, what is the one thing you would do

Live life

11. Finish these sentences;A) Sex on the first date is.....
Hang on a minute here …. That’s jumping the gun a little, a first date of any description would be some kind of god sent one in a million miracle, so we’ll leave it at that

B) On Saturday night I like to....
Drink SAAK into a stupor, but that’s not greatly different to most other days that end in “y”

C) I try to avoid.....
Stupid people, well people in generally, but that is a habit SAAK is trying to remedy (the people in general thing, SAAK still wants to avoid the idiocy of the great unwashed).

D) My childhood dream was..
Honestly, no idea. SAAK’s memory for some strange reason does not seem to kick in until age of 16-17, even then it’s a bit blurry. I am, however pretty darn certain, what every the dream was, it was not the life SAAK ended up with.

E) I secretly envy....
Those people who are smarter that I am. Those people who can just meet people. Those people who have people that love them voluntarily and unconditionally and of course you.

Well there you go. I did previously warn you that you will not get those four minute of your life back, don’t blame me.

Limbo – Just more Self indulgent shite …

2005-11-08T20:15:00.000-08:00

SAAK has an excel sheet on his desktop with a count down clock, it reads 590 hours left in old Sydney town. But then what, there is no doubt in SAAK’s mind that he detests being in this town, but what if that is because he is in this town. What if, when he moves to the next place SAAK is still there?

Is it just Sydney, is it just the job, could it just be that SAAK has been lonely for a decade … there is family where he is going, will that help, or, alternatively is it just as likely to alienate him further .. it is not as though they know him .. they’ve only seen him two to three times a year for the past decade…. and rarely does the real SAAK come along (who ever that is).

Wow, what a self indulgent piece of absolut, (actually Stolichnaya inspired), clap trap that was. I hope, in the sober light of day, this does not pass the editor’s desk.

SAAK out

Could I be less productive?

2005-11-04T15:06:00.000-08:00

With this whole “I’ve quit, just let me the fuck out” attitude that seems to have taken over my existence, today has been a complete write off. All SAAK has done during this day is read blogs and keep an eye on the cricket score.

As an aside, SAAK has perfected an ALT TAB system in his head where, if nothing important is going on SAAK will read blogs, but look sufficiently busy, as soon as something needs to be done, *ALT TAB* back on the ball. (If it is at all possible to avoid the excessive use of bright colours on blogs that would be great, they don’t look like work related sites).

(Hope the subtle irony of spending the time writing about ruing the time wasting is not completely lost.)

Weekend afoot ….. hope it goes well for all, if you are enjoying your weekend, spare a quite thought for SAAK who enters his second weekend of drinking without smoking .. not conducive to the happy making.

common sense rules

2005-10-31T14:35:00.000-08:00

Much Ado has suggested creating “a list of common sense rules for the world to live by”. Mainly because SAAK is a little on the selfish side, he thought his list would have a bit of a meish theme.

Therefore I bring you 5 rules SAAK would have liked to enforce over the past two days…

5) public transport is not designed to deal with broadsheet newspapers… AFR okay, SMH NO GOOD, do not sit next to SAAK and expect him to scrunch up against the window whilst you enjoy your morning paper.

4) if you happen to see SAAK walking down George St with his eyes firmly fixed on the ground 3 feet in front of him 1) he does not want a leaflet 2) he does not have a spare dollar 3) he neither needs nor wants to find god.

3) just because you have the dexterity to walk and text message at the same time, does not give you automatic right of way.

2) if you cannot control the speed or volume of you children, do not bring them with you to the pub of a Sunday afternoon.

and

1) if you must queue hop at the bar, do not order frou-frou drinks that will require the barmaid’s attention for in excess of 7 ½ minutes…

Must be certifiable…

2005-10-28T10:01:00.000-07:00

For those of you, if per chance you exist at all, that don’t know, SAAK quit his job 3 weeks ago. Being the nice chappy his is, when asked to change his 4 weeks notice to 8 he obliged.

Today SAAK has been sat on his pat in the office since 7.30 (his normal bundy time) till now, 10am. I could be completely loosing the plot (very plausible) but surely the dude who has quit should be the more likely to become somewhat lackadaisical in his work.

Having said that, of course, SAAK has not been working for the past 6 minutes whilst writing this inane drivel.

Oh well, back to it.

854 hours to emancipation !!!!!! Fuckin’ A

New Leaf … Fuck it .. New Tree

2005-10-25T20:05:00.000-07:00

Yes, half my life is over, well actually, if you knew how much I drank .... and smoked ..... and how poor my diet has been over the past ten years, half is pretty generous.

But afoot a new dawn, a new day, a new decade ………..a new attitude?

New decade resolutions;

Okay, let’s kill the obvious up front, QUIT SMOKING. Well duh, but thus far, not too bad. There have been no cigarette procurements since SAAK was in his twenties, 3 days, pretty good for me actually.

DRINK LESS, mmmm, not overly convinced about this one. Of SAAK’s vices this is without doubt my favorite ….. mayhaps an AFD every once in a while. Give Mr Liver an opportunity to recuperate.

SOCIALISE MORE, I know what you are saying … “dude, you spend most days that end in the letter ‘y’ at the pub, WTF are you going on about ‘socialise more’”. I mean meet some people, stop being such a hermit, sitting at the pub on your Pat is not only not socalising, it’s a tad bit creepy.

Spend more time with MUM. SAAK’s mum is not well, the whole family came up to the big smoke to celebrate (commiserate depending on your POV) SAAK’s birthday, it was great, but poor mommy was plumb tuckered out most of the time. She’s not been well for a time now and two visits a year for the past ten years seems not quite enough ….

This sounds like a plan, now, all we need it some implementation action.

Anon ….

Now that’s what I call a job interview.

2005-10-20T13:05:00.000-07:00

A friend of SAAK’s father called out of the blue this week. This conversation ensued..

“I’m in England at the moment, but will be back Wednesday, would like to catch up”
SAAK “Sure”.
“How about we have a few beers and go over some things”
SAAK “Good plan”

Meeting

“So, I hear you're in need of a job”
SAAK “haven’t really started looking, going to take some time off”
“How about another beer”
SAAK “I’ve not said no to a beer yet and don’t intend starting now”

Later

“I’ve got a position for you when ever you want to start”
SAAK “How about January?”
“Done, how about another beer?”

So it looks like SAAK is going to be a country boy for a while, well this city existence has not worked thus far … why not.

I knew something would fall out of the sky…..

Regrets of the Aged

2005-10-19T19:50:00.000-07:00

With but three days remaining before SAAK can no longer claim to be mid to late twenties it seems an appropriate time to rue the things he did not do before turning thirty.

Travel – in thirty years SAAK's only travel experience was a weekend in Melbourne. Thanks BookBook, it was a great weekend.

Romance – Had lunch with a girl once, not sure that counts. It seems sad that, even though SAAK has known his fate from a young age, things turned out this badly.

Family – see romance.

Career – Working for nearly ten years and having it still seem like work just does not seem to cut the mustard.

Friends – Despite being in Sydney for nearly 7 years there is still no one SAAK’s age he could just call and say “(insert name of non-existent person here) how about a beer”

Wealth – nope

Oh well … Next life time …. here we come ….

All Change

2005-10-17T20:30:00.000-07:00

Well, well, well.. it seems as though the gods have decided that SAAK needs a complete overhaul.

At the end of this week he will no longer be mid to late twenties, in 1,118 hours (and counting) he will no longer be employed and in 6.66 weeks he will no longer be a Sydneysider.

All in all, considering how poorly the last 10 years have panned out, none of the aforementioned really seem that scary, but having said that, to SAAK they are all in the deep dark distant future.

Here’s to unknowingness ….

Sayonara

2005-10-10T14:14:00.000-07:00

This morning, SAAK put in his resignation. Fucked if I know what I am going to do, but hey, there is 8 weeks notice given, sure something will fall out of the sky.

At least the panic associated with quitting a well paid job in the city has not struck yet, just the euphoria of the weight coming off SAAKs shoulders.

HOORAY !!!!!!

…fun are the days…

2005-10-07T05:03:00.000-07:00

This morning in SAAKland consisted of …

Managing Director “you fucking lost $100,000”
SAAK “I what?”
MD “You fucked this up completely”
SAAK “Let me find out what is going on”
MD “Don’t fucking try to defend yourself”

Mid morning and early afternoon scouring through accounts, which, by the by, were not completed initially by SAAK.

Late afternoon, after sourcing all transactions...

SAAK “This is the listing of all transactions and all the source documents”
MD “… Well it’s good that you found the $100,000 .. but it still took you a fucking long time to work it all out”

AAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH

Thank fuck for weekends, think I might drink my person into a stupor.

Let me count the ways…

2005-10-06T17:57:00.000-07:00

Having been in the countryside for several days (loads of fun at sisters wedding, if this accounting thing does not pan out, I think I’ll become an Emcee, perhaps not) .. and having had a case of the sick like dogs for a couple more, SAAK has been in a Special K free zone for a week now…. Oh the bliss, but in that special SAAK kind of way, there is always something to drivel about.

Sorry sidetracked, my point is, every time I come back from the country I wonder, WHY? I thought, perhaps a pros and cons list of good ole Sydney town might be in order.

Pro – Lots of people.
Con – No one to talk to.

Pro – Lots of pretty woman
Con – They all seem to have discernment.

Pro – Lots of stuff
Con – Stuff is usually a long way away and damn expensive.

Pro – Steady job
Con – Work SUCKS

Pro – Lots of bars (good pro)
Con – Drinking alone makes one seem a bit sad.

I seem to have run out of pros. Guess I’m going to have to save up my remaining bucket of cons for another day….

Relatively quite week…

2005-09-22T05:57:00.001-07:00

The beginning of the working week here in SAAKland this week looked somewhat ominous … Special K was trying to explain how “all the kids of today are all hermaphra … hermaphra .. you know, boys who want to look like girls”, don’t ask long story … but, over all, things panned out okay this week.

To SAAK re updating Norton on her computer “I don’t see a fucking key on this site, is it secure? Do you see the key when you update them?” SAAK “I generally don’t look” Special K “I guess it doesn’t fucking matter when you’re using someone else’s card” SAAK “I normally use mine when I update these” Special K “well … fucking good”

It seems however, that other members of staff have been benefiting from the pearls of wisdom being dropped like … well, dung, when you think about it… dropped like steaming dung all over the place.

To MOS re his new baby daughter “You should just get (inset innocent wife’s name here) to stop breast feeding….i stopped breast feeing when my kids were two days old” “I was never breast fed”. (That is an endorsement if ever there was one). The whole atrocious advice thing, coupled with having to hear her say breast again and again (Don't get me wrong, I love breasts and hate anyone who makes me hate them) is all bad.

On this point, have I told you about Kayla’s (her now 5 year old daughter) birthday? To SAAK (12.30pm on a Wednesday) a heavily pregnant Special K “I I I I I I’ve just got to go” SAAK “Okay, see you tomorrow”….. Special K (on the phone 5.20) “Just tell (insert MDs name here) I’ve had it” SAAK “Sorry….” Special K “I’ve had the kid…(phone hangs up). Friday .. same week 11.30 Special K “Morning .. It’s with the nanny”.

To MOS re her daughter “I’m encouraging her to become a neonatal surgeon” (SHE’S 5!!!)

SKFF tomorrow, Special K Free Friday, hooray!!!

Things that were learnt today …

2005-09-15T17:09:00.000-07:00

1) Never 'volunteer' to do jobs that you don’t have to, this is the response … to the MD about SAAK “you can’t really blame him… he does not know what the fuck he’s doing..”
2) Don’t expect praise for a good job. When it turned out that what I had done was exactly correct and her attempt to “fix” this non-existent issue had nearly fucked it up completely we got this ..re the contact in question “… that fucking girl just does not like dealing with me … she just fucking hates me .. I prefer the other guy” … “she fucking loves you though … she wants fucking phone sex with you …”
3) Always expect the blame .. to SAAK “I didn’t want you to get me involved in the fucking first place ..”
4) Don’t try to defend yourself .. SAAK “actually..” Special K “don’t be a smart arse”

Mmmm .. pearls of wisdom that can make the otherwise unbearable marginally less unbearable.

I've just read this, I strongly suggest you use your time more wisely

2005-09-14T18:05:00.000-07:00

The days here in SAAKland are getting longer and longer and the nights drunker and drunker. I suppose the night thing might be seen as self induced, I don’t see that myself, it’s more a cause and effect and effect of the effect thing.

There is, however, a shining light on the SAAK horizon, my little sister is getting married at the end of the month and SAAK is going to put on his emcee hat. I am very happy for her, but having said that, as with most things, it causes SAAK to become somewhat introspective. Is it possible to die of lonely?

SAAK these days looks very much forward to returning to his parents home, five days of beer, barbeques, golf, euchre and more beer, but beer with people around, does not look so much like alcoholism when there are others around.

Just in case you were wondering if there actually is point to these ramblings, relax, there’s not, just have no desire to go home and talking aloud to one’s self always comes across just that little bit creepy.

The weirdest thing happens when SAAK goes to his parents place, the sads don’t follow, perhaps there is a lesson in there somewhere, but life has sucked so much of the life out that the merest inkling of the notion of hope sends shudders of fear racing through SAAK’s person…..

I told you earlier that the was no point ……. But I agree, the least you could have expected was a stream of conscious thought. That’s okay I’m used to disappointing people.

*Blah blah blah blah blah*

Live action news ....

2005-09-06T15:01:00.000-07:00

It really is impossible to believe this woman. This just came out of her mouth;

Re an ex-employee who recently left due to serious ill heath (must say though perfect timing) and a lost file – Special K to MD “just fucking ring her, ring her, she’s not dead … is she?”

That was said with no contemplation or realisation that this girl, who was in her late 20s was forced to quit after spending a great deal of time in her last months here in and out of hospital.

SAAK out... realising that the only up side to the return of the devil is the continuation of the file

And so it begins ...

2005-09-02T08:03:00.000-07:00

With the dark clouds again appearing on the SAAK horizons, its time to reflect over the week that was, the week that saw Satan return with all her fury and the memories of the before times flooding back as vividly as though they had never faded.

During the last four days, luckily there was a short stay of execution on Monday, just life fucking with me, that God bloke really is a vengeful and hate filled cunt. (so lucky I’m agnostic, otherwise I’d be going straight to hell, oh yeah, that’s right, already the fuck here), SAAK has felt the wrath including, but not limited to.

Special K “Why the fuck isn’t the MDs Norton Antivirus working” SAAK “I don’t know, I don’t use his computer” Special K “That’s no fucking excuse”

Special K “Why the fuck are all these boxes here” SAAK “we stopped using the offsite archive” Special K “I don’t fucking care..”

Special K “Why are all these files here” SAAK *stares blankly not knowing the answer* Special K “Fucking answer me…..”

That god for weekends, two days in a row where it’s okay to sit at a pub and read the paper from 12.01 pm onwards !!!!

apologies.. a little introspection

2005-08-31T20:01:00.000-07:00

Last night scaryasakitten had the privilege of sitting at a table with him, her, her, him and her (now I know the done thing is to insert links, but since no one actually reads this shite it seems a little overboard).

These people were the embodiment of cool, beautiful, smart, witty and straight up and down funny and it occurred to SAAK, despite having one or two or three pints too many, that life actually was not being cruel to him imposing a life of solitude, rather it is natural section doing what natural section does naturally.

So I thank these lovely people for their company, their smiling faces and wise and witty words and wish them well on life’s adventures, new and old ….. and apologise for any gaffes on SAAK’s part.

*shuts up … returns to real life*

One more for now .... How about Employee Relations?

2005-08-24T05:26:00.000-07:00

As a final instalment of our jouney into special k land, for the interim, I thought it would be nice to leave on the topic that is the main reason why employees leave this office, Employee relations.

As always, to protect the innocent MOS refers to a member of staff and MD is the managing director, also the spouse of satan. Do, if possible, use the strongest, most obnoxious Canadian accent you can muster;

to MOS re printing advertising brochures “they cost us one hundred grand, don’t go there”.. “ah ..” upon finding the figure “here we go…. three grand”

to MOS studies “ you can do more than one subject, it does not matter if you fail”

re MOS’s bad back “no I’m sorry, you get down on the floor and crawl around like a dog, that’s the only way to fix your back”.

To MOS re the pregnancy – MOS “ well it won’t be too long now” Special K “..are you kidding?.. you guys are going to have to put up with five more months of my bitchyness”

re MD’s computer - Special K "you fucked it, you fucked his fucking computer" MOS "it's working" Special k "oh"

Special K: “god, im such a fucking aggressive pregnant BITCH!”
MOS : “oh, and i was about to ask for a pay rise”
Special K: “yeah, but you failed your fucking exams didn’t you, you fucking loser! (insert hysterical laughter).... you thought i didn’t know about that?!!?

re: applicant wanting to discuss new job: "he wants to have this big discussion with someone on his level - well, you know what? get fucked buddy - send in your resume and join the queue with the other fuckers"

Re MOS’s holiday “I see MOS picked a great time to take off…bastard… that’s okay ill get him back.. lots of little things”

to MOS “..don’t, you know, monkey see monkey do with the MD, he’s a lot better than you … you’re just unsophisticated”

to MOS re taking a holiday “.. and that would be great for you too, you know .. you’ve had a tumultuous.” (apparently a tumultuous nothing in particular)

Special K Vs MOS on a client leaving Special K: " you gotta tell me when your client leaves" MOS "Well, you weren't here" Special K "I wasn't here a month ago? " MOS: "what?" Special K: "don't be a prick " MOS : "a prick?" Special K: "DON'T GIVE ME ATTITUDE!!" MOS: "ok" Km: " disrespectful piece of shit"

to MD re an employee “we should not pay her for the hours she worked for us, she just did a shitty job”

to MOS re client praise on an email “.. it’s nice to finally put something good on your personal file” followed by maniacal laughter, a shake of the head, and "i;m just joking, y'know?"

to MOS still on receiving a praising email from a client " she only sent that 'cause she hated dealing with me"

to MOS “I find dealing with you offensive”

to MD re MOS “im sick of it the smartarseness the disrespect I can’t deal with it, just get rid of them”

to MOS re the a report written “do you even read these… there not even gramatic”

to MOS “I don’t know why, but I have been superdooper productive today… I know you haven’t been”

to MOS re the a employee “…if she's ugly its your problem”

same topic "she could be pretty, she's work in a photography shop"

Re one of MOS’s friends “is he just a weirdo” MD “not really, why” Special K ”he just said god bless you… he’s weird”

To no one in particular re the new accident kit “I don’t want it, you guys can just pilfer from it for the next two years like usual”

To MOS “you should make babies while you are in Europe, they have such beautiful babies over there” (a new take on genetics?)

To MOS re another MOS “he’ll end up like that guy …. from that movie, you know that guy.. you know the movie …. I didn’t see it………” (what the???????? Apparently she was referring to Michael Douglas in falling down, well blow me down)

Well that's it for a while on the inner workings of the institutionally insane. Turns out that reliving this horror is not as emotionally cathartic as the far less entertaining drivel venting that SAAK usually comes up with.

A new take on customer and supplier relations …..

2005-08-23T19:40:00.000-07:00

Not being a particularly creative individual, I thought I would continue with the theme of the last couple of posts, with that in mind I present to you the Office manager / Boss’s Wife / Spawn of Satan’s take on how best to manage clients and suppliers …..

“There is no need to be nice to these people, at all, lets just dick them around”

Speaking (yelling actually) to (at) some poor lady “its wrong, its wrong, its what’s his name doing a shitty job”

To same lady(after half an hour yelling at them) “oh, I may have to apoligise (without actually doing so), it seems I may have been mistaken”

To MD re a client (said with a very derisive tone) “... that client is just high maintenance” (something about pots and kettles comes to mind)

To MOS “..instead of harassing you I’m calling people up today”

to MD re IT Supplier: " i'm so fucking.... im so fucking angry.... fucking angry at the fucking level of professionalism"

To the bank “there is no such thing as a miscellaneous debit, it’s just the bank taking money miscellaneously”

To australia post “I hear what you are saying, but it does not jive with what I understand”

Still to australia post: "I DON'T UNDERSTAND!! I DONT UNDERSTAND!! fine... i understand that.... WHAT!?"

Apparently randomly and very calmly "..shall i threaten them?" MD "who"

To MD (who was not actually there at the time) Special K: "you wanna draft some stuff so i can send some stuff?"

To supplier. "What are you doing girl? stupid cowface"

“don’t be nice to that bitch, just be a c u n t, it's the way of the commercial world”

“I just can stand people being arrogant.. you know what I mean?” (are you joking?)

re office water filter change: "i,i,i dont even use it, so if other people start getting sick, we'll change it then"

Overlapping conversations Special K to MD “we need a new manager… get rid of vince” at the same time on the mobile MD “hi vince”

Re a client “and he sounds fat”

To MD “should I call and find out what the word on the street is?” MD “about what” Special K “I don’t know .. anything” MD “SHUT UP”

To an account manger over the phone “ so you’re just making notes on your computer now saying I’m a difficult customer, aren’t you, that’s what you’re doing right!!”

You've never heard anything quite as funny as special k going nuts at a girl by the unfortunate name of Honey, "you're just fucking wrong Honey!!!, Honey … never call me again!!"

Perhaps a thematic approach.

2005-08-22T15:29:00.000-07:00

Given the overwhelming response to the first installment of special k-isms, I thought rather than the rapid fire random technique, we might indulge in a more orderly look at the workings of the completely insane.

Without further ado, never forgetting several important factors, this is a work environment, these are all verbatim quotes, the quoted has no sense of humour nor irony, she is also the managing director's spouse, lets have a quick look at special k the person; (as always this is best if read with a harsh Canadian accent, closely resembling finger nails down a blackboard)

Special K on Pregnancy;

To MOS (member of staff) on eating whilst pregnant “..you know, babies are just parasites”

To MOS about the unborn baby ..” "i wonder if its just sitting in there... dead"

To MOS announcing her pregnancy “..i can’t ski anyway, you know.. I’m cooking again.. you know”

To MOS “o’gosh..i’ve got to go, I have an appointment, have to make sure the baby is cooking properly”

“I’m sorry….. I’m pregnant and bitchy…. really really bitchy”

to MOS “you know..i’m just afraid that with all the fucked up things I do and say .. god’s going to give me a fucked up baby”

Re the new baby MOS “so it’s a boy” Special K“well, I hope so, it’s got balls… unless it’s an hermaphrodite”

to MD "i've got to go,.. get this thing taken out of me.”

To MOS “I’m going to have this thing on Wednesday, so I won’t be back in the office til Monday”

To the nanny service “I’m having this thing on Wednesday, so I can handle it till Monday.. but after that..”

To MOS “you know the last couple of weeks of my pregnancy I’d only eat once a day … you know starve them out … more managible”

This is not a complete history on the pregnancy debarcle, rather, a teasing short overview

Special K on Child Rearing,

re the new baby “.. he’s got hair now, but in two months he’ll look like he come for Austwitch”

re the baby, “ .. he’s really skinny, I like to keep them small inside so I can pop them right out”

Talking to MOS about not working full time “..you know I don’t want to be home with those screaming shit sacks”

re kayla (her, at the time, 3 year old daughter) “..if I don’t smack it out of her ..she’ll, she’ll… you know. …”

still re kayla “she’s a tyrant.. it’s just not on”

still re kayla “I don’t know where she got her attitude from” (if only she understood the concept of irony)

to MOS re kayla “at 2 ½ months she started to cry, so I went to “soothe” her … she got a start when she saw my face.. she was expecting the nanny”

Re kayla "shes a bitch. a real bitch. she just screams over the top of me"

Re kayla “..she’s only three and she’s just a bitch….fuck her, nah, she’s gorgeous, but a bitch”

Re kayla’s “so I said, if DOCS want her, they can have her .. but, you know, I didn’t mean it”

To MOS re Furgus (her 7 year old son) “I haven’t had to yell at my kid in two days, I just give him money and he does what I tell him, it’s great”

To the nanny “…and so I said Fergus, you don’t let people hurt you, you get up and kick them in the head”.

re fergus "Now, I'm shy, which is why Fergus has turned out the way he has"

re Furgus’s piano leasons “ ..and I’ll just say, furgus, if you don’t play I’ll break your other arm… they all think I’m nuts anyway” (this line was delivered through clenched teeth and accompanied by gestures of snapping small bones)

Re the children “if my kids were multi-lingual, they would be so saleable” (not sure if I would buy one though)

Special K “..you know, I wish my kids could be musicians, they make good money” MOS ” there are a lot of starving musicians in the world” Special K “…I know, but they’re always so much fun at parties”

"Sean’s (her 5 year old) my favourite now"

This obviously is just a background post, there will be more

Just when you thought things could not get worse

2005-08-12T13:35:00.000-07:00

There is a rumor circulating our office that the boss’s wife, the spawn of satan herself will be re-entering the work force, more specifically, coming back to this office to work. Now you might be thinking, so what, she can’t be all that bad. Well you’re fucking wrong! As anyone who has met this insane bitch would attest, she is completely fucked up.

To celebrate, commiserate this, hopefully not impending event, I thought I might share with you a few choice excerpts from a document produced in the before time, an era that one could only wish they could forget .. the days of special k. (for the record, these are all verbatim quotes, names have been suppressed to protect the innocent. This document, at its peak, was 14 pages long). Enjoy (ps if you can think and read with a Canadian accent, all the better)

Bailing up a Member of staff (MOS) coming through the foyer “just ‘cause I don’t have a penis does not mean I am not a respectable human being”

Talking about our internet providers “they’re Chinese, they know what they are doing”

Again re the ISP to the Managing Director (her husband) MD “what the fuck’s going on, this is giving me the shits” Special K“.. it’s because they are Chinese, they don’t communicate well and they don’t run a very professional business”

After telling MOS that his report can wait until her computer is fixed “..i know I’m a bitch, but every office needs one”.

To MOS re smoking, “if you keep that up I’ll slap you round like I do my kids”

Apparently to no one “..yeah I’m just going to go home, have a drink and beat up my kids”

To MOS “..furgus (her child and being the spawn of the spawn I don’t apply the innocent theory to him) nearly got run over this morning.. it was really funny”

still on furgus’s Near Death Experience “..so I yanked him out of the way of the car…I wonder if I did the right thing”

"fergus had a dream i was kicking him in the head last night"

To MOS re moving to Asia “.. the water there is blue, or brown, and they just pee in it”

To MOS re Asia “..you don’t know, in phuket they just kill people and leave them in the forest, there are piles of bodies outside the perimeter”

about genetic modification “..you know you can’t just put a bit of a fish in a strawberry and not expect some kind of throw back”

"there'll be no nature in 15 years - we'll all be mutants"

To MOS “…if anyone ever asks you black or white… you tell them purple …. Purple … you know what I mean”

Should there be any demand, I will come back with more, there is no shortage.

Tell me if you think this is odd.

2005-08-08T20:02:00.000-07:00

This morning, just like every other morning in this very predictable life, I found myself standing awaiting the 7.15 bus to the city. Now this is the same bus I catch every morning and generally there is same group of people are standing waiting for this bus, no eye contact, no chatting, you know, commuters. That’s obviously not the odd bit, just wait, we’ll get there together.

It’s a cold morning, hey it’s winter, so SAAK is wearing his Essendon beanie. Which I fell just accentuates the black suit, well that may just be me. Like all other mornings, SAAK is reading some enthralling statement issued from the ATO and listening to some crap on MMM, when all of a sudden he fells a tap on his right shoulder.

I may have mentioned this previously, but I do tend to drink my fair share, so at 7.15am not so much compos mentis. Hell at this point I’ve only had one cigarette and no coffee so some one touching me out of the blue comes as a fairly decent shock.

Any who, this complete random, who is one of the people waiting for bus decides he wants to strike up a conversation, now, I’ve been doing this commuting thing for a while now, I’m sure there’s some kind of law against this, at least some rule of etiquette. Worse still he decides to sit next to me on an otherwise near empty bus.

I’m going to have to catch a different bus now aren’t I. I don’t deal well with change.

Another day meanders by..

2005-08-03T17:02:00.000-07:00

Just another lazy, dog dangling, afternoon here in the world of SAAK. The boss, his spawn of satin wife and their demonic offspring have bailed to the ski fields, my offsider is off studying, the receptionist is away ill and tweedle dee and tweedle dumb are out to a lunch.

During the six smokos taken today, I have been watching the passers by, not in a scary “I wonder how your skin would look as a tux” kind of way, but more in a “what the fuck have you got to look so happy about” way.

By my reckoning, one in ten people would have passed by with an inane grin on their face and I wonder, could life actually be that good … or do you just not have sense enough to know any better.

This second proposition seems far more likely, but then, if you don’t know the world sucks and life is difficult mayhap it’s possible to amble down life’s highway grinning all the way. If you think your happy are you?

Utopia via oblivion, I like it.

Working Life

2005-07-28T17:30:00.000-07:00

The older I get, the more I find people to be very strange creatures indeed. This could be more of an indictment on me than the rest of the world, but let’s work on the presupposition that I’m right.

I find myself working in an office environment where the automatic reaction to anything slightly out of the ordinary is twofold, first is to PANIC, then blame the general dogs body, me. Don’t get me wrong, I am a professionally qualified accountant, but best described as GDB.

Now, if you have read any of the previous drivel I have written, (which I doubt, actually, I doubt you exist in the first place, but that is a psychotic episode for anther time) you would no doubt be aware that I, like Lisa, am of the MTV generation and feel neither highs nor lows, making reactions like this to such insignificant events unfathomable to me.

So I say, THEY ARE ALL MAD, every single one of them….. MAD LIKE DUCKS.

Track 5

2005-07-20T07:40:00.000-07:00

I'm so happy because today I've found my friends they're in my head (oft times, actually a great deal of time, is spent arguing in my head with the people I once knew and will always respect, who are so much smarter than I could ever be, I miss them (yes that includes you, however, in my head, sometimes, I will win an argument))
I'm so ugly but that's okay cause so are you (considering the duality of self, this is an apt description of both me and this thing that carries me)
We've broken our mirrors (last weekend, I managed to drop and smash to tiny pieces the only hand held mirror in my abode)
Sunday morning is everyday for all I care and I'm not scared (maintaining an outlook of complete indifference to everything, coupled with the realisation of the absolute inevitability of existence is the only thing keeping me here. If I cared, I would be completely fucked)
I'm so lonely but that's okay I shaved my head (this is probably more the practical side of me, it’s quicker to cut my hair than it would be to find a barber and hell, you can't really stuff it up and if you do, oh well, what ever)
And I'm not sad (okay that’s a lie)
And just maybe I'm to blame for all I've heard but I'm not sure (it is well know to anyone who has met me that it’s my fault, what ever the it de jour may be, I may not have had any influence, it may not have been my decision, but …. (and that annoys me sometimes))
I'm so excited, I can't wait to meet you there... (if only she read this blog, she might have understood)
But I don't care (being of the mtv generation I feel neither highs nor lows)
I'm so horny but that's okay... My will is good (hope is a four letter word)

Is it just me? … a lot of the time it’s just me..

2005-07-14T17:12:00.000-07:00

Seems to me as though the older I get the more my brain will wander off in its own directions with no explicit instructions from me.

Today I found my self spending an inordinate amount of time wondering why dead people are referred to as deceased, I would have thought logically they would be ceased wouldn’t they? I suppose any time spent pondering such an inane question would be considered inordinate, but you get the gist.

But my point is more, will someone point out to me when I am nearly completely doo-lally or is it fait accompli that a some point I will involuntarily be talking to myself out loud, or more to the point, am I doing that now in prose?

More Silent than Protest

2005-07-13T19:47:00.000-07:00

I like my pub, it’s just round the corner from my place, it’s relatively quite and there is plenty of talent behind the bar. It’s a great place to sit and read a book, have a quite schooner or three and smoke a few cigarettes. Well that was until the advent of anti-smoking laws in New South Wales.

Being generally apolitical I thought I would try and summon up some kind of Gandhiesque power of political persuasion and just not go … that’ll learn’em. Well the days past and I peered into my now near empty watering hole, the pretty barmaids with their stoic, life will go on without that guy sat on his pat in the corner faces on. One could tell, I was going to bring this NSW government to its knees.

Finally, to break the stalemate that had formed between me and my beloved I ventured back in and to my utter amazement ……. Nothing, no one knew of this power struggle the human suffering ….. I guess it was only 8 days … to quote that great philosopher Homer …. “the lesson is .. never try”

2005-07-12T00:11:00.000-07:00

Nothing to complain about, but that willn’t stop me …

2005-07-07T16:31:00.000-07:00

Thought I might share some background, I am a mid to late twenties (read thirty this year) accountant with a personality to match, that is completely bereft of one. There is nothing particularly wrong with my existence, but by the same token there is nothing right with it either.

With a complete indifference towards the day job and an insatiable need to dull the pain with alcohol, you could ostensibly time my life with your wrist watch, or mayhaps a fob watch for the more hoity-toity of you.

I have lived in good ol’ Sydney town now for nigh on seven years and hate it with a complete lack of passion. With the exception of people I have worked with (who up and leave anyway), I don’t know a soul here (can you hear that? It’s the worlds smallest violin in the background).

Being a personality challenged accountant, who, in case you were wondering has little wherewithal and a face only a mother could love (at least I think she does, she seems to when I go to visit her in the country, for all I know the rest of the year she’s thinking “what the fuck have I delivered to this world”) there are no women of the opposite sex in my life.

Having said that, I did go to lunch with a girl once, I thought it was great, took the day off work (actually told the boss I had a date so I willn’t be in, yes I said “willn’t”, I can not stand the words won’t or shan’t), thought lunch went swimmingly, turns out she hated me, did not return my call the next day, oh well. On the bright side it saved her the time it would normally take some to get sick of me.

So as you can see I actually have nothing of any real consequence to say, but an overwhelming desire to tell someone…..

If I think of something witty, smart or smutty to say I’ll get back to you…

Anon…

Here goes

2005-07-06T18:10:00.000-07:00

I have a friend, I guess had a friend, not sure anymore, last time I saw him we had less in common than ever, but I digress. He is an extraordinarily smart guy, eloquent in both prose and speech and I love reading his blog and it has lead me to other blogs and all of a sudden these people who may or may not exist have formed a part of my otherwise unbearable day to day life.

Perhaps it is just that he is such an extraordinary person that he has the privilege of getting to know this circle of wise, witty and often debased people, who knows, but I thought, for a while at least, I would put my two cents in, until told to “shut the fuck up you snivelling little sook”.. which, I imagine should not take long.

Any who, going to post this, I don’t really imagine it will work, computers and I don’t always see eye to eye … wish me luck (not that you will see this if it does not work the first time)