Perhaps a thematic approach.

Given the overwhelming response to the first installment of special k-isms, I thought rather than the rapid fire random technique, we might indulge in a more orderly look at the workings of the completely insane.

Without further ado, never forgetting several important factors, this is a work environment, these are all verbatim quotes, the quoted has no sense of humour nor irony, she is also the managing director's spouse, lets have a quick look at special k the person; (as always this is best if read with a harsh Canadian accent, closely resembling finger nails down a blackboard)

Special K on Pregnancy;

To MOS (member of staff) on eating whilst pregnant “..you know, babies are just parasites”

To MOS about the unborn baby ..” "i wonder if its just sitting in there... dead"

To MOS announcing her pregnancy “..i can’t ski anyway, you know.. I’m cooking again.. you know”

To MOS “o’gosh..i’ve got to go, I have an appointment, have to make sure the baby is cooking properly”

“I’m sorry….. I’m pregnant and bitchy…. really really bitchy”

to MOS “you know..i’m just afraid that with all the fucked up things I do and say .. god’s going to give me a fucked up baby”

Re the new baby MOS “so it’s a boy” Special K“well, I hope so, it’s got balls… unless it’s an hermaphrodite”

to MD "i've got to go,.. get this thing taken out of me.”

To MOS “I’m going to have this thing on Wednesday, so I won’t be back in the office til Monday”

To the nanny service “I’m having this thing on Wednesday, so I can handle it till Monday.. but after that..”

To MOS “you know the last couple of weeks of my pregnancy I’d only eat once a day … you know starve them out … more managible”


This is not a complete history on the pregnancy debarcle, rather, a teasing short overview


Special K on Child Rearing,

re the new baby “.. he’s got hair now, but in two months he’ll look like he come for Austwitch”

re the baby, “ .. he’s really skinny, I like to keep them small inside so I can pop them right out”

Talking to MOS about not working full time “..you know I don’t want to be home with those screaming shit sacks”

re kayla (her, at the time, 3 year old daughter) “..if I don’t smack it out of her ..she’ll, she’ll… you know. …”

still re kayla “she’s a tyrant.. it’s just not on”

still re kayla “I don’t know where she got her attitude from” (if only she understood the concept of irony)

to MOS re kayla “at 2 ½ months she started to cry, so I went to “soothe” her … she got a start when she saw my face.. she was expecting the nanny”

Re kayla "shes a bitch. a real bitch. she just screams over the top of me"

Re kayla “..she’s only three and she’s just a bitch….fuck her, nah, she’s gorgeous, but a bitch”

Re kayla’s “so I said, if DOCS want her, they can have her .. but, you know, I didn’t mean it”

To MOS re Furgus (her 7 year old son) “I haven’t had to yell at my kid in two days, I just give him money and he does what I tell him, it’s great”

To the nanny “…and so I said Fergus, you don’t let people hurt you, you get up and kick them in the head”.

re fergus "Now, I'm shy, which is why Fergus has turned out the way he has"

re Furgus’s piano leasons “ ..and I’ll just say, furgus, if you don’t play I’ll break your other arm… they all think I’m nuts anyway” (this line was delivered through clenched teeth and accompanied by gestures of snapping small bones)

Re the children “if my kids were multi-lingual, they would be so saleable” (not sure if I would buy one though)

Special K “..you know, I wish my kids could be musicians, they make good money” MOS ” there are a lot of starving musicians in the world” Special K “…I know, but they’re always so much fun at parties”

"Sean’s (her 5 year old) my favourite now"


This obviously is just a background post, there will be more